Dear Stella, I am 74 years of age , i've been married to the same woman for 54 years, not all of them great, but we have survived.
3 years ago, I met the most wonderful woman I have ever known, we first got to know each other , when she started attending the same social club as my wife and myself, she was accompanied her boyfriend,. She was 68 and had been seeing her boyfriend for a few years. She discovered that her boyfriend (68) used to stay across the road from my wife and me , and my wife had helped to delivered one of his daughters, and this was how my wife and me got to know her.
Unfortunately, her boyfriend, contracted Motor Neurone decease, from which he died in 2007. She didn't return to the club for about a year. When she did return to the club, because she had got to know my wife and me, she asked my wife if she could dance with me to which my wife agreed. Over the next few weeks, it got to the stage, that my wife told me to ask our friend "M" to dance instead of her asking me all the time.
One night,after a few more weeks , the band played the song, " If tomorrow never comes ", and "M" asked me to hold her tighter, because apparently , before M's boyfriend died , and he was at the stage of hardly being able to walk, he always made it a point to try to get "M" up to dance to it, and the song brought back memories. After this happened , we felt ourselves getting closer to each other, that was how it started.
A bit later, I got up the courage to ask for her phone number and where she stayed, and could I visit her. She obliged. On the 22nd of September 2010, I visited her at her home, and it was the start of something wonderful, something which I had never experienced before, we made love whenever we could, when I could get out of the house without my wife being curious. I found out that "M" had been married for 36 years to a man who was a gambler, an alcoholic, and a violent person, and because "M" was brought up to be a very patient person, and not able to retaliate, it took 36 years to finally leave him and go back to her mother. where she bought and paid for the house where her mother was staying, until she met her boyfriend whom she had known from her school days, and they got together.
"M" and me had a great time most of the time, but on a few occasions, "M" would tell me she couldn't see me any more, because she felt guilty about seeing someone else's husband, but within a
week or two when I phoned her again, she would be ready to get back together again.which we did.
Our affair, lasted for about eighteen months , until "M" finally decided she couldn't do it any more, but said that we would always be the best of friends , and I would always be part of her life. I kept phoning her , daily , and things went good although the only tie we spent together was while dancing at the club.
Unfortunately, I kept getting jealous of her dancing with another man, whom she had known along with his wife for a quite a long time. and the other week, I got into a bad mood about it , and the rest of the people sitting at our table were asking my wife what the matter was. nobody knew.
On the Sunday, I phoned "M" and she said that I was trying to control her, and telling her what to do. and playing games. She wouldn't listen to anything I said, and ended the conversation by saying that she had nothing more to say. I saw her sitting outside her houser yesterday, and approached her to tell her that my wife had been taken into hospital, and asked if I could call after the visiting time to tell her more, but she said again she had nothing more to say.
I believe this is the end of what we had, and I am devastated, because "M" is really the only woman , I have ever felt about so strongly in my whole life, I would do anything for her, I have told her many times how much I love her, and she did tell me during our times together,that she loved me.
My wife have not been close fro over 12 years, we haven't made love in all that time , and we have drifter so far apart, that we don't even talk to each other very much. I have left my wife twice during the past two years , and only returned when "M" asked me to.
Answer from Stella:
You didn't actually ask for any advice, so I won't really offer any.
I will say I think the woman was wise to break it off. Sneaking around behind your wife's back, no matter how unhappy your marriage is, was dishonest and selfish. If you are that miserable in your marriage, then get yourself free before you date other women.
Extramarital affairs almost always end in grief and disaster for all involved. Perhaps you will can learn from this?
Hope this helps, Bob
***Do you agree with Stella's advice? Why or why not? Leave your thoughts below, you could change a life!
Now that "M" won't talk to me, and I think it might it might be final, what can I do, because life without "M" in it will be intolerable?