Orginal Feelings Gone!

by Andrea
(Ohio)

My boyfriend and I started dating in 2005, when we were around 16. It wasn't long after that until we fell in love. We never really had any major fights or problems, and any that would occur we would talk through it, and reslove it.

About a month ago, he told me that some of those orginal feelings he had for me were starting to fade, and about two days ago we broke up, because he said he saw me more as a best friend than his lover. He said he wanted to break up, because maybe then he would realize how much I truly mean to him. He said our relationship was perfect on a social, and emotional level, but not on a physical level (like in the bedroom, or even when we even kiss), during these times, he said he didn't feel anything.

I really don't know what to do; I love him so much, but at this point I know he doesn't love me in the same way. Should I just get on with my life? Or should I try to convince him to give me another chance? I don't want to give up, but I know feelings can change over time. He even wants us to remain close friends, and for us to see each oher on a normal basis like we usually did (when we were dating).

But I feel so heartbroken. I don't know if that's possible. He even told me that he cared for me a lot and wanted to keep me in his life. The breakup wasn't planned, it just happened after another failed bedroom attempt. What should I do?

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From Stella,

Dear Andrea,
I'm so sorry, I know that you are hurting, but this relationship just doesn't sound very promising from where I sit.

You cannot make someone love you, and if he says he just doesn't love you in a romantic and physical way, my advice is to just let him go.

And tell him you want a "clean break" so you can get on with your life. None of this "let's stay friends" stuff. It will just hurt you over and over again. Time will help you heal and perhaps find a mate who will love you in the right ways.

Good luck to you!
Stella

P.S.: Sounds like he suffers from sexual dysfunction. This is not your fault, but is an extremely difficult thing to overcome. If you two truly loved each other, it would be worthwhile for you to stick together and help each other thru it. But if he cannot love you back, then you are wasting your time and your heart.