Please Help, I Have Never Been This Confused!!


I am 27 and have been “dating” a 25 year old guy for a little over a year on and off (on now for the past few months). We are not officially together as boyfriend and girlfriend because he is having a hard time with commitment.

I am deeply in love with him and can defiantly see a future with marriage and children. And, to make matters worse, he feels the same way but still will not commit. He has told me he loves me very much on numerous occasions and the he has never said that to a girl before.

He is the sweetest guy to me when we are together but when he goes out with his friends or without me, he turns into a ladies man. I asked him if the reason he can’t commit to me is because he wants to hook up with other girls and he told me that it was because he feels alive when he is trying to “get with” a new girl and likes the thrill of the chase and has to earn it. And he also said that he is afraid of having a relationship because he doesn’t want to be bored with a girl. And that I can’t be mad at him if he hooks up with someone else.

I am totally in love with his family and friends and they all love me just as much and tell me I am the best thing that has ever happened to him.

He says that the reason he is having a hard time is that he feels like he is too young to get married and be in a serious relationship because once we commit to each other he says it will be forever, and I agree. But at the same time he talks about how much he is in love with me and when we have children and such things.

My question is, do I continue to wait for him to come around and commit knowing he is just immature and will eventually ask me out or do I move on and find someone else who I might not love as much but is willing to give me what I need?

Part of me wants to stay and wait because I have never felt this way about anyone and he brings out the best in me and I see how far he has come since the beginning; but the other part of me knows I deserve better and that he is just trying to have his cake and eat it too. Please help me, I am desperate for advice!!

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From Stella:
Hi there desperate (you didn't give a name).
I have a feeling you won't like my advice, but here goes:
1. He IS too young and immature to commit to a long-term monogamous relationship. He is a thrill-seeking ladies man.
2. He is honest... he even told you about #1.
3. Even if he does grow up, if he gets off on the "thrill of the chase", and is afraid of growing bored with a woman, this man is almost sure to be a cheater, all of his life. You would never be able to trust him. Marriage will not change a man like that.

This is your most revealing statement of all: "Do I move on and find someone else who I might not love as much but is willing to give me what I need?" Why not find a man who you DO love very much and is also able to commit to you in the way you need? You are young, and the right man IS out there. Don't be afraid of being alone til you find him.

You said yourself that you deserve more. You do.
Move on.

Stella.
P.S. It doesn't matter that his "friends and family" are in love with you.

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