Ready To Walk, But Just Cant Leave
by Tina
(Tallahassee, FL)
I'm a 25 year old recent college grad. After 6 years of school, having 2 children, and a whole lot of stress and life ups and downs, I'm ready to make a commitment to my current boyfriend.
He is not the father of my children but he loves them just as much as his own 4 kids. We've been together for a year, we live together, and for the most part we are happy. There have been issues with him chatting online to other women but not what I would call cheating. There have also been a few incidents with his ex's (not his children's mother) that have made me uncomfortable.
I'm not going to make it seem like I've been a perfect angel. I have not cheated but at the beginning of our relationship I misled him to believe something that was not true. At his request I have thrown out old pictures of guys that I had in a shoebox (that mind you I hardly looked at since I was 18). I've grown up a lot since we've been together and made many sacrifices for our relationship.
But he makes me feel like because of what happened in the early part of our relationship, there is little or no redemption for me. He feels that I have a lot of "ground" to make up before we can get back to a "clean slate." He feels that what he gives (or doesn't give) is at a satifactory level because I screwed up when he was being totally "up-front." I don't feel he was being totally upfront himself, but because I am a forgiving person I let it go.
My heart is in love, my mind is telling me we are meant to be, but my legs are so ready to walk out and say that there's nothing left here for me. I have expressed that I am and have been ready to do whatever it takes to make this work. But will it be worth it to continue? Some help is much needed.
