Second Heartbreak

Dear Stella

I'm jho and I'm 21y/o. I was experience my 1st love when I was 18.He's my bestfriend, and I am his bestfriend girlfriend, he's courting my bestfriend too. We always have our double date, then sooner, I was started to fall in love with him. I broke up with my boyfriend bcoz of him, a few days later, he court me, I love this guy so much so without any doubts..I gave him my "YES". In the 1st two months we're ok. But our relationship was ruined since he studied college in city. We always fight, we broke on & off. Then he broke me up the last's hurt me so bad. I have learned to live my life with him. I cant live without him..days..weeks..months.. years of heartache,,sleepless night.. unstoppable tears..I always tried to call him, but he hang up his phone, he always neglected me, feel likes I'm nothing to him. He make feel so unworthy one, he insulted me, criticize me. I did my best just to keep him, I did my all, give all, lower my pride, but it seems not enough to him. I always wait for him I always hoping that someday he may come back. Till one day I have known to his friend that he's getting married & now having a baby. I dont know how I feel that time..I become hopeless..helpless..emotionless..I just keep on crying.. I dont know how to start again. It's took a year before I get recover, I become numb..a man hater..I thought I never fall in love again..till I meet another guy. He thought me how to trust again, to believe again, & most importantly to love again.He was so sweet, he makes me feel that I'm special, in just a short span of time, I've learned to love him. I want this guy to be my lifetime partner..And I cant picture my self marrying some other guy. I was so scared to lose him, that someday he may left me, I did everything he said, I was always after his decision, giving what he want, doing what he want. Till one day he broke up with me, I have known that he has his other girlfriend..but a long distance relationship. I thought I've done enough, I thought what we had was for real, but a fairytale that I thought suddenly become a nightmare.I was just a filler to his longings. But never did I get mad at him..though it hurt me that bad, I still chose not to imprison my self again to bitterness. We're still friends now.But I still love him, and I feel to his gesture that he do love me too. But what his action is different from what he said..he's pushing me away..maybe he love me, but not enough to give up his other girlfriend, I'm carrying our baby too. But he doesn't know about it. I chose not tell him. He started to get rid of me now. He change his phone no. and never show up himself to me again. We're leaving on the same place.what I should I do..should I need to fight for him or just let him go??? -------------------------------

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