Should I Hope & Wait?

by Ilah
(Los Angeles, CA)

I met this guy thru online dating almost a month ago. We started chatting and texting all the time. We had this amazing connection that I never felt with anybody before. We started dating the following week - one week of pure joy. He is wonderful, caring, smart and reliable. We came from very different backgrounds but we just clicked.

Then on the first night he stayed over he told me that he is a recovering alcoholic. He had only been sober for 4 months and that his AA sponsor told him that he must not date within one year of sobriety due to the high risk of relapsing. He told me that we should just see each other spontaneously and not the daily meeting that we were having. The whole night, he cried his heart out telling me how he's not normal and how he disappointed his family due to his alcoholism.

We separated in good spirits though, because now everything was out in the open. The next week,we still communicated, although not as often. He said he was doing a lot with AA. One night, I asked him to go to the movies but he declined. I told him that I miss him so much.

I bought him a Valentine's card and realized I didn't have his address, so I texted him to ask for it. He answered that he whad been directed to completely focus on his recovery and that it will be best if we would not have any relations at all. He said he knew that I'm compassionate and would understand.

I was heartbroken and emailed him that I thought it was unfair but I would respect his decision and wished him success in his recovery. I haven't heard from him since.

Should I hope and wait for him to come back? He never asked me to wait though. I felt like our story hasn't ended but just been interrupted.

What should I do?

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Take your lumps...
by: Stella

Wow, Ilah!

I really feel for you, it sounds like you really liked this guy. But there's a lot of reading between the lines on this one.

Although the issue of his alcoholism could create a difficult complication in your life on its own, this guy is not being straight with you, period.

I would not tell you to give up on him because of his alcoholism, but because he has already ended the relationship.

If he wasn't supposed to date for a year (never heard that one), then why did he sleep with you? Why did you sleep with him so early? Why did he suddenly "cool off" immediately after he stayed over?

Why wouldn't he give you his address? Where is he now?

I'm so sorry, Ilah, but you need to take a hard look at the facts. It seems to be over. Try to learn from this, and not invest so much of your heart and private self to someone you barely know next time. Take your lumps and move on...

So sorry for your pain, but there are brighter days ahead for you! Good luck,


It depends upon his recovery
by: Anonymous

I guess what you must do is to hope and pray for his recovery.

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