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SIGN OF A CHEATING MATE
Find Out For Sure!
Sign of a cheating mate...
Is (s)he having an affair?
There you are, all street-smart and savvy. You are always aware and alert for
danger while out and about, for safety's sake. So where do you let your guard
down? At home, of course.
Most people with an S.O. (significant other) claim that their mate would never
cheat on them. But the sad truth is that infidelity DOES occur, only too often,
by men and women alike. You need to stay alert and "street-wise" in your
emotional dealings, too.
We sincerely hope that you have nothing to worry about. BUT, if you do have some
doubts, just a gut feeling that things don't "feel right", then it's time to
stop and take stock of the situation. Do not bury your head in the sand. Look
for these cardinal red flags:
Sign of a cheating mate:
* Changes in sexual conduct:
- Less desire for sex with you
(getting it elsewhere)
- Suddenly more adventurous with
sexual desires, new positions or requests (learned elsewhere)
Sign of a cheating mate:
* Changes in attitude:
- More attentive, "nicer" to you than
usual, gifts, etc. (guilt; divert suspicion; usually early in the affair)
- Gradually starts finding more faults
in you; is more critical; definite change in attitude (justify the cheating
in their mind; usually later in the affair)
- Losing interest in the old
homestead; no longer as attentive to house repairs, gardening, spending time
with the children (pre-occupied)
- Accuses YOU of cheating (divert
suspicion)
Sign of a cheating mate:
* Changes in grooming habits:
- Suddenly starts taking more care
with her appearance than usual; new clothes, new perfume/cologne, makeup
style, new hairstyle
(to impress the new lover)
- Frequent bathing, takes a shower as
soon as he gets home (destroy the evidence)
Sign of a cheating mate:
* Telltale physical signs:
- Smell of perfume on them; long blond
hairs when you're a short, curly redhead; classic lipstick on the collar
- You find strange receipts,
unexplained credit card bills, scribbled phone numbers, condoms or birth
control products you two don't use (uh-oh)
Sign of a cheating mate:
* Red Flag activity:
- "Gotta work late again"
- Mysterious phone calls, hangs up
phone when you enter room, whispers on the phone, abrupt "hang-ups" when YOU
answer the phone
- Gets angry, defensive, or secretive
when you look at her cell phone or computer
- You catch him staring off into space
with a smile on his face, a new and unexplained "glow" or excitement about
them (infatuated)
Sign of a cheating mate
Use your common sense with this. He may have a temporarily decreased sex drive
due to illness or work stresses. She may change the hairstyle
just because she needs a change. That "hang-up" may just be an impatient
telemarketer.
Use this list of factors "in context". You will likely find something here that
he/she does on occasion. The key is this: Is it new and unexpected behavior?
Is it just a one-time occurrence, or are there new patterns emerging? Are you
finding more than one or two red flags?
If you have run through our checklist here, and find no evidence of these
strange behaviors, then relax, you're probably safe. Enjoy the relationship.
But, if your investigation has given you more cause for alarm, it is time to
take a more pro-active approach to the situation.
***WARNING: DO NOT CONFRONT OR ACCUSE YOUR LOVER YET!!!
Sign of a cheating mate...
Okay, you've thought this over, and it looks suspiciously like he or she may
really be having an affair. In your anger and hurt, you may be tempted to lash
out, confront, accuse the dirty dog! That is the worst thing you could do at
this point, and here's why:
- You have no evidence. If you have no
proof, the offending party can deny, deny, deny, and may really be
convincing, to boot. Where does that leave you? With lots of doubts and no
answers.
- She has been alerted. If indeed, she
is cheating, she will be much more careful now. She will clean up her act,
and may even end the affair for now. You may never get to the truth.
- You might be wrong! If you accuse
him of infidelity without any proof, and he's innocent, you can do serious
damage to the relationship. The trust will be broken, both ways. And broken
trust is almost impossible to restore.
What you need now is proof. Normally, we advocate strict respect for the privacy
of your mate. This means no snooping in their personal affairs, emails, pockets,
snail mail, or voice messages. If you have no reason to suspect him/her, then
back off, and show them this basic respect.
But, if things have gotten to the point that you are pretty sure he is having an
affair, nothing is to be gained by turning your back on the situation. You will
just be suspicious and miserable. This is no way to deal with the situation. You
must find out the truth, for peace of mind, and the future of your relationship.
Privacy rules no longer apply. Time to dig deeper...
You will now become an amateur detective. Keep strict track of your mate's
activities for the next 2-3 weeks. Get a calendar book.
Out On the Prowl:
Record the mileage on his car and compare it to where he says he went. How far
is work? Find out. Record the time he leaves for work, and the time he returns.
Is he working late? Check his paycheck stubs to see if the OT is in there. Match
up your written record with the stub hours.
There is one very easy way to find out exactly where your lover is prowling...
get a "car tracker". The technology is now available and very affordable. Get one of
these tiny gps mini-tracker keys, and hide it in his car. Then retrieve it a few
days later, plug into your computer, and get a detailed report of where he's
been!
This one works quite well:
Three tips:
- A
GPS works best with no metal between it and the sky (satellites). Although
it has a magnet for attaching to the car body, the best place is to hide it
on the rear window shelf or dash, or door pocket, or even inside the
tail-light lens. Keep in mind that most people do not search their car
routinely.
- Put
fresh batteries in before you set it up. Tape over the green light with
electrical tape.
- This also works great for keeping tabs on
your teen. It even tells you how fast they drove!
Cell Phone Use: Many cheaters use a cell phone to communicate with
their lovers. Get the detailed bill of her calls. Is there a strange number that
is called frequently? Do a "reverse cell phone number lookup" online. If there
is a small fee, pay it. Match up times called to that number. A good place to
start is the
first number called when your mate first leaves for work and the same number
called again right before they return home.
Money: They have to pay to play. Look for some evidence of
increased spending, check stubs, bank statements, credit card bills, motel,
restaurant
and gift receipts.
Snooping: Now is the time to do a thorough search for clues. Look
in his/her wallet, purse, glove compartment, briefcase. If you can, look at
their emails.
Get ahold of her cell phone and check out her contacts list. Nothing is sacred
now. Once again, the ONLY time we advocate this is when you are trying to get to
the truth,
and save your relationship.
Came up empty handed? Still have strong suspicions? Not sure enough to let it
go? Get professional help. Fork over the bucks to have a private investigator do
a little
surveillance on your partner. They are in the yellow pages under "Detective
Agencies" or "Private Investigator". You might not like what you find out, but
the money will be
well worth the peace of mind. A quality relationship can not thrive under a
cloud of suspicion and mistrust.
We wish you the best of luck with this, and hope things come up smelling roses
for you guys! But realistically, this is such a pervasive problem that we felt
this little "heads up"
article may well hit home and be most useful for some of you.
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