Stay a Family or Be a Single Parent?


I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years; we have known each other for over 6 years. We have a 21-month-old child together. I love him very much but I am at a loss of what to do.


There was a time I was going to college but had to quit because we didn’t have enough money to support me through college and not enough for a babysitter too. So I quit and got a job at a place I am not very happy at. I make a little more than minimum wage.

He is about to open his own store which I am happy for. The problem is I feel like a single parent. I get up with our child at night, in the morning, I dress her, bathe her, etc. I feed her when I get home from work (at 8 pm) because he only gives her snacks. He complains to me about how he has to watch her while I am at work, he doesn’t understand why I can’t ask my boss for a 9-5 job (if I do I might as well quit because there are no 9-5 positions that I can do).

He watches our child on one of his days off while I watch her during my weekend off without complaining but he moans and complains about it. He says when he starts his store I will have to drop her off at daycare, pick her up, and do everything because he will be “working late”. When I ask him for help around the house he says “just a minute” and waits like 15. Then when I ask him again he gets angry with me tells me “no” and to calm down.

He doesn’t yell at me or abuse me in any manner, he just… he doesn’t care. I’ve expressed to him I am thinking about leaving, but when I do so he states how he needs me and he’s trying, how he is doing more then he used to do. I just don’t know if I should continue with everything when it feels like he isn’t ready to be a family, to have a child, to have all these responsibilities. I know we are a young couple and I wanted to try and make it work…

But I am not sure what to do anymore, if I should stay or if I should go. I really love him but I am tired of being a single parent in a home where both parents are there. Any advice?

---------------------------------------------------

Dear Anon:
It sounds to me like you have bent over backwards to accomodate this lazy man, and now he wants to take even further advantage of you. He made you quit college and take a min wage job. The bulk of the parenting and housekeeping chores is in your lap. He gets to start his own business and not even drop the baby off? And then ALL the chores will be yours??? They abolished slavery a few years ago, you know.

Geez, wake up and smell the coffee, girl. If I was in your spot, I would give this guy two options:

1. Let you enter the new business with him (where did he get the money for that if you couldn't afford college?)

2. After his business is up and running for about 6-8 months, you are going back to college to get your degree so you can get a better job.

Also, you need to sit down with him, list all the chores, and split them 50-50. You are working full-time and this is only fair. You have threatened to leave and he whines that he is "trying harder"?
What a crock!

You only have one life, you know, so assert yourself and take charge of it. Even if that means getting rid of this freeloading Freddy and starting all over. Maybe if he realizes you really mean business, he will grow up and accept the responsibilities and hard work family life requires.

Good luck to you!
Stella

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