Stuck in the friend zone?

by sarah
(san diego, ca)

He and I work together and we have become very close over the last two years. We talk and text daily. There is a 20 year age difference between us. He was married and had 3 kids, the marriage ended in divorce. I have never been married. It took me quite a while to realize I have feelings for him and i was seeing someone else for the first year of our friendship. That relationship ended (of its own accord not because of anything to do with him).


After a lot of thought I told him how I feel about him. He told me he likes me and cares about me. He told me he's afraid he will hurt me, but that he hasn't ruled out a relationship. We see each other out of work every so often. At work he is on the road and i am in the office, so we don't run into each other very often. He always acts very nervous.

He shows that he cares about me, i got in a car accident and without even knowing the location of the accident, he came and found me, held me while i cried and got my things from the car. Made sure i was physically OK and made sure i got home safe. That's just one example.

Everyone else makes comments and can tell there is a connection between us. I know the guys at work give him a hard time and tease him and i know from his marriage alone that he hasn't had good luck with relationships. We went to a wedding together and i had hoped that he would make a move, it was a work wedding and people made a big deal about us being together.

Am i forever stuck in the friend zone? Is there anything i can do to try and help this along or am i just stuck waiting? please help. I really feel like i have found my soul mate. he is everything and more i could have hoped for, i dont want to lose him or blow this.

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Answer from Stella:

Hi Sarah,
I am not sure you are going to like my answer, but I sincerely think I am giving you some good advice. You are somewhat anxious to "move things along", because you are tired of waiting for him to come around.

Well, that is the problem, you have done too much already, and may have made a big mistake by telling him how you feel. I don't know what it is about us girls that we have to profess our love and push our men into committing to a relationship. Since he acts nervous around you, my guess is that telling him how you felt has made him uncomfortable.

You said twice that your coworkers see a connection between you and made a big deal about you two showing up together. Unfortunately, that does not make a relationship, no matter how much you wish it is so. If you step back and be honest with yourself, you will have to admit that there just isn't a romantic relationship here (yet anyway).

My advice to you is to cool it, not go for it! Further advances on your part right now will only push him away and scare him off. Back off. Be cool-friendly, but nothing more. Try to get out and date other men, or at the least, go out with a girlfriend or two. Perhaps if you relax and show interest in other men, this guy will reassess what it is he feels for you and hopefully find that you are too important to him to lose. If that happens, then he will pursue you for a change.

I hope for a happy ending for you, and I hope this helps!

***Do you agree with Stella's advice? Why or why not? Leave your thoughts below!

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