Terrible heart break

by mir
(kuala lumpur)

Well it all started in my beginning of my university life, on my orientation a met this girl and I had a crush on her, we two became close since the first day as we were the only two people from a particular country and in fact we were the only people from this country in the whole university. 1 week of our friendship she told me she has a boyfriend back in the country, and I was stupid enough to think I could just be her friend and beside that way I could see her often. Slowly over time she became very close and free to me and even I tried my best to prevent from falling in love I failed. Before I knew I was deeply in love with her. I was in a position that I could not confess my love to her nor could I confess my situation to my friends as I was afraid they might humiliate and scold me or they might do something that I won't be able to see her again. Worst for my case is that one day she confessed to me that if she didn't have a boyfriend she would have been with me. But on my end of the first semester she became very close to boyfriend over the phone and she started ignoring me. It was a real blow to me as I had never experienced total love before. But when she had a fight with her boyfriend she would come close to me and me as an idiot I would forget all the things she had done and forgive her and love her more. This continued for 3yrs and my love continued to grow for her, i know I am a total dumb **** but I experienced love knows no boundaries. And the worse part was she was having problems with her boyfriend and her love was growing for me. Once I made this awfully bad mistake and I really wish I could take it back and I everyday wish I could prevent that action, (I will be free with you people as I badly need some advice from decent people) as a human I became curious about female body and I went second base with her, its not that she was angry but she enjoyed it, since that day she would speak dirty to me but one day we decided we should stop that, and here I felt so shitty about that, that I felt I had hurt her badly as she became again close to her boyfriend, I felt so guilty that once even I tried changing my university and even kill myself so that I could be moved from her perfect life. Just two semester ago she told me her boyfriend will be visit her in this foreign country which made my inside scatter, but last semester she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend, this made me the happiest man alive and she told me that she wants to be with me. But I asked her if she is sure if she really wants to be with me. She said she is still confused and I thought to myself that I should not lose the girl of my dream. As my parents doesn't approved any relationship nor doesn't like me to be speaking with any girl. One day I was away and she called me and my father picked up, till today I still don't know what they talked about but she decided that she would be going back to her boyfriend, this left me destroyed, she didn't even give me a proper reason. She did say sorry later but she didn't change her mind and before I had the chance to heal myself she kept asking me if her boyfriend could stay in my hostel room when he is visiting here, of course I denied it, and not only that she kept asking me the routes to that places we two went to visit as she wants to go there with her boyfriend. Once I confronted her about what I am going through and what her behaviour had me feel, but she blamed everything on me, even though my love was real for her. Since then we didn't speak to each other for quite long time and I was really missing her, once I just called her just to hear her voice, since that day we became as close as before that only lasted for 2 weeks, than she send me a message saying that she was better without talking to me and I should only message her if there is something really important, reading that it broke my broken heart again. I just don't know what to do, I am trying my best to move on but every girl i see reminds me of her, I know I behaving really stupid and selfish that I loved a girl who had a boyfriend and I know I am a dumb ****. But please help me I just don't know what I'm going to do next. I know this is long and I know some people going to comment rubbish but please I need a reasonable person to advice me. I myself use to advice people but there is no one to advice me. Thank you.

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Answer from Stella:

Hi Mir,
I have a feeling you will not like my advice, but I truly feel you should end the relationship with this girl. For three years she has toyed with your emotions and kept you dangling on a string while carrying on with her boyfriend.

If you step back and look at this situation without emotion, you will see that this girl is a user and a player, and is toxic to a good-hearted guy like you.

Cut her loose. You will eventually get over her if you quit taking her back. Get on with your life and look for a more honest girl who can give you the love you deserve!

Hope this helps!
Stella

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Comments for Terrible heart break

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Terrible heart break
by: Cornelia

Hi Mir,
I believe you better move on. Understand she is your first love and you are already so traumatised by it. You do not know whether that girl is changing, she seems too confused. Life is a coming and going, even we stay with people some time we also depart again,latest when we leave this planet. You want to be with someone who is really committed, look for this person. Write down qualities you want to find in the other person and then project it out or visualize and it will all come. I believe the first step is to be clear what you want. I wish you good luck

Spiritual growth
by: Anonymous

Hi Mir,
firstly let me say that I feel for the pain you are going through; this pain of unrequitted love. I have known this pain, but not for this amount of time. I believe that your spiritual development lies in understanding why you have this deep feeling of love for someone who does not reciprocate. Why are you attracted to this kind of relationship? Once you have the answer to that, you will move on easily and never repeat this mistake again. This woman, no matter what you find to like in her, is emotionally immature. She is toying with your emotions. You cannot blame her. You need to take total responsibility for this situation, just like someone who is addicted to alcohol or drugs needs to accept responsibility for their actions and stop what they are doing because in the long run it will not lead to a happy life.
Take care and best.
I hope you get over her soon.
Once you do, you will wonder what all the fuss was about.

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