The Down-hill Slide

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My husband and I have been together for seven years this June. And we are on a downhill slide where we are fighting all the time. And about every little thing... what can we do to get out of this rut we seem to be stuck in?

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Break the Cycle
by: Stella

Dear Anon Woman,

Since you have taken the trouble to write in about this, it obviously has become a big problem, and you seriously want to improve your marriage.

Why not start by YOU breaking the cycle? It takes two to tango (and two to fight). Do a little soul searching here. I know it probably isn't just your fault, but you could start by swallowing your pride and just not fighting back. Don't engage in battle and don't "have to be right" and don't "have to have the last word". This may be hard at first, because it has just become habit for you two. But someone has to make the first gesture to stop this downward spiral in your marriage.

So for the next week, determine NOT to start a fight, and NOT to join in if your husband picks one. Just DON'T join in, no matter how tempted. If your husband wants to know what you are up to, explain that you are tired of conflict, and that you love him and want to save your marriage. Then leave the scene. He should get the message.

There's a chance that he doesn't realize that you two have deteriorated into a conflicted and stressed relationship. Sometimes men just don't see the obvious, you have to tell them.

Maybe a long heart-to-heart talk with him would help. But only do it when there is no anger and no alcohol involved. Air out your concerns and tell him you are concerned that if you keep on the way you are going, it may really damage your relationship.

If that doesn't turn things around, then seek marriage counseling. There is nothing more important than your love relationship.

Good luck to your both,

P.S. Read our page crammed with excellent advice provided by some long-term loving couples we know. Print it out and have your hubby read it too:

Anyone have any other specific ideas she could try?

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