silhouette of man and woman holding hands and kissing

"When you've missed love, you've missed
        the essence of life"-
                                           Dr. Leo Buscaglia, 1984


Sage advice for a love relationship...

Geez, guys, what the heck has happened to that soft and soulful man-woman bond of old? Is it just me, or does the "relationship scene" seem to be more harsh and strident these days? A pervasive "me" attitude appears to have taken hold, by both men and women. Are you guilty of this? Do you demand equality from your mate, and keep score? You cook dinner, he has to load the dishwasher; you brush her hair, she must rub your back. Gotta keep the score even, right?  Heavens! Mustn't do more than your share!  

Well, we firmly believe that a selfish, me-oriented stance will doom your romantic endeavors to eventual failure. Guys and girls...

Back in our parents day (showing my age here), the woman was given the bulk of the responsibility for keeping the relationship steady. She was expected to sacrifice heavily for the sake of the marriage. You wanna hear the advice my Mom was given by her Mom? "You must be a maid in the living room, a chef in the kitchen, and a whore in the bedroom!"  Wow! Talk about multi-tasking!

                tired woman multitasking

No, we do NOT advocate a return to such a ridiculous and resented one-sided scenario. Instead, we propose an "equal admiration society", a return to a kinder, gentler time in love relations. We are not asking you to lower your standards or lose your self-respect. We just ask you to learn to GIVE again. It's contagious. We advocate that both men and women re-learn how to give of themselves selflessly to their love mates. As you will find out, it will come back to you 100-fold.

We're going to ask you now to gear down and re-evaluate your whole outlook on romance. Forget society's rules, and the customary routine you've been used to.

Make your own rules! As long as you two have a "mutual respect" thing brewing, forget what your friends or your mother thinks is "right" or "wrong" when it comes to love. Do what works for you two, and "tune out" everyone else.

Serving each other is not a bad thing. It is an act of love. As long as it feels equal, it's right for you guys. If you are subservient on a Monday and he is subservient on a Thursday, what does it matter? We are often so busy standing up for our rights that we lose sight of the main goal... a mutually satisfying relationship. Doing the laundry is an act of love, and so is putting out the trash. Don't get hung up on the concept of “serving”. If you must, call it "giving". And giving to one another is a good thing, an act of love. 

    man getting foot massage Try this on for size: Make a delicious gourmet meal for your guy. Use your best china. Serve it to him in bed on a lap tray, with a linen napkin and a rose. And take his plate back when he's done. Then rub his feet while he's watching Monday Night Football.

Do what?!! We're kidding, right? No, we're not. Just try it one night. He'll love it. He'll think he's the luckiest guy in the world (he is).

And, now, for you guys peeking in here...yeah, times have changed... you don't have to leap around to open the car door for her, or pull her seat out at the restaurant. Society's rules say that's no longer necessary for proper etiquette.

man serving meal to woman
But... just as an experiment, try it. You'll be surprised at her reaction. She'll feel special.  And take the time to master a few great barbecue recipes. And one night, serve your girl a juicy grilled steak, with the trimmings. Relinquish control of the clicker, and let her pick out a sappy chick flick, and brush her hair while she watches it. She'll think she's the luckiest girl in the world. (She is).

Pamper your mate, spoil them rotten. You'll be paid back... in spades... when he rubs your back, does the laundry, or changes the oil in your car... or kisses you on the ear.

As long as your mate gives you what you need, emotionally... why not throw out all that modern crap?

                MORE SAGE  small love heart with arrow piercing it

                                                      couple from the back holding a bouquet and heart candy
Advice for a love relationship...
Kindness, consideration and respect breed more of the same. And it's got to start somewhere... so why not with you?

Part of mature love is giving of yourself in ways that are "above and beyond". Give selflessly, without keeping score. Think of ways to keep your partner comfortable, happy, amazed... and do it!

If the whole thing turns one sided... too much giving and no return; resentment starts to build... or your mate takes the attitude that you owe service to him and he doesn't have to reciprocate... then this is not the life partner for you. Best to find out now, right? It's a two-way street, you know. Get out of the relationship and find a lover who can learn to give in return.

By giving in this way, you do make yourself vulnerable, and run the risk of getting hurt and losing the relationship. But you also lay the groundwork for the formation of a deep, appreciative love... based on mutual caring and respect... now that's real true love.

So, lose the scorecard...

                           open pad and pencil for keeping score
                                                ...and win the game!

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