Tied Between Two

I am in a relationship with a man with children. We have been living together and things are good; we don't argue or fight, and the kids accept me as their mother. I also have a child and he seems very happy to be here. In fact, he would be upset if I left here.

My problem is my ex-husband. We had a bad split due to his anger issues, which is why I left him. He now swears he knows he made a mistake and I know that I caused some of his anger to come out for things I should not have been doing. Other than that we were happy and got along great.

Now I'm in this new relationship. Even though I know he loves me and I love him, I still feel like something is missing, and my thoughts keep drifting back to my ex. I secretly talk to my ex and have even made excuses to go see my ex several times. The man I am with now senses this and pleads for me to always stay with him. He has asked me to be his wife, that he would be a good husband and try his best to make me happy.

My ex has also proposed and so now I feel tied between the two. I moved on with this new guy but I still am having trouble letting go of the past and the man I let go. What should I do?

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From Stella:

I suspect that you have decided to go back to your ex-husband and are just trying to justify it or seek approval for that decision. But you won't get it from me.

If your ex-husband had such a bad "anger problem" that you divorced him for it, you would be an absolute fool to take him back now. A leopard does not change his spots. It sounds like he abused you, either emotionally or physically, and no, it was not your fault. Victims of abuse usually try to take the blame for provoking the abuse. Your ex had his chance with you and blew it.

Stay with your new guy, he sounds like a sweetheart. Make a good life with your new family and let the past go. Good luck!

Stella

Comments for Tied Between Two

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Don't do it
by: Anonymous

Your ex only knows why he lost, cause you left. If you go back, you show that you don't respect yourselg. You have his respect now because you stood up for yourself. This new guy loves you, treats you well, he desreves you. The old guy, let him find some one else to use as his testing ground then you'll see, as Stella says a leopard doesn't change his spots. My ex did the same, you should see what his new sweety is treated like. Yes he changed, he just got sneakier at his controlling and abusiveness...........glad I never went back !

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