Torn Three Ways...

by chhavi kasana
(new delhi)

I am a 17 year old girl. I love a guy and we are in a relationship for the past 4 years. First it was all fine between us but gradually as we have grown up we both are very serious about our future together. He wants to marry me and even I want to but both of our parents won't accept each of us.

I can't go against my Dad but neither do I want to break my boyfriend's heart. I have stopped talking to him so that slowly he starts hating me. In the meantime one of my very close family friends has proposed me and I have said yes to him but I still love my earlier boyfriend.

This friend of mine also knows about my past boy friend and knows that I still love him, but he does not have any problem with it and he still loves me but I know he is also very hurt. I can't hurt anyone neither my Dad, my earlier boyfriend or my present boyfriend.

I have not yet completely broken off with my earlier boyfriend.

Please Miss Stella help me and advise me what should I do now. I would be very grateful to you if u help me out.

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Dear Chhavi,

I will have to be honest. I have gotten several letters like yours, and I am kind of stumped for a solution. Why? I am American, and am not very familiar with the customs in India. I will say that showing respect for parents and following their advice is much stronger in your culture than ours, and I do not want to give you advice that goes against your customs.

So all I can try to do is give you the same common-sense advice I would give to an American girl in your situation.

First of all, I think it would be cruel for you to marry one man if you truly love someone else. It's not a good idea to marry someone solely to please your parents. You only get one life, and your parents are not the ones who would have to live in a sad, loveless marriage. But this is the American way. We marry for love, first and foremost.

Your best friend here would be time. Break the engagement and buy yourself some time. You are very young and a couple of years should make your correct path to happiness more clear. If you are meant to be with your first boyfriend, then the love will stand the test of time and you both will be more mature and more able to make a decision independent of your parents wishes. Who knows, maybe you will find that he is not the best one for you after all.

Time and maturity would help you both deal with the situation on an adult level, and perhaps your parents might even mellow in their disapproval if they see how lasting and strong your love is.

I Hope I have not trampled on your traditions and customs in India, but I can only give advice from where I sit.

Good luck to you all, I wish you happiness no matter which path you choose.

P.S.-- Anyone else have some advice for Chhavi?