Tragedy in my relationship

I have been in a relationship with a woman for a little over three years. It hasn't always been smooth, or easy, in fact, sometimes downright volatile. Harsh, hurtful words have been the norm more often than not. She is a beautiful intelligent woman whose life revolves around a child who has severe behavior and emotional problems as well as well as intellectual and developmental disabilities. I have taken the brunt of her frustration with her situation for a long time,even breaking up numerous times and blocking her after one too many rage attacks. A week after the last time I ended I ended the relationship and returned her things, my 16 year old son, whom she had a CLOSE relationship/friendship with, died by suicide. Our worlds were shattered. She has been my life saver, my rock, and has been there for me unselfishly.
Now, however, she feels I'm ignoring her pain, and delaying her closure (intentionally) by not supplying her with answers from medical examiner, police, journals,etc. I'm not ready to do that. She says she needs relief/help with her filthy cars, her (almost hoarding problem) house, her kid, her life, and wants to know whether I'm "all in or all out" of our relationship. And when I can't or don't pick up the slack and provide relief,I'm the selfish one and on the receiving end of a verbal lashing, which makes me absolutely furious. I know she's hurting, too. I've told her I need space, and solitude at times but the guilt I feel of "ignoring" her and not "fixing" her life is more than I can really handle right now. It's only been 5 months since my son passed, and I'm not sure I want to raise another child. The past hurts go very deep,and I can't even talk to her about my feelings and set boundaries without something sarcastic being said by her to prove how SELFISH I am. I'm afraid I'm going to just explode.
Please, please tell me how we get through this.

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