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: Dear Stella: But I Tried so Hard!
Dear Stella: But I Tried so Hard!
I was friends with a woman with who 6 years into the friendship, we took the
next step. She is 16 years older then me but has the mind, soul and body of
someone my age. I gave her everything I could, expecting nothing in return,
just her honesty.
Everything was great, then after about 4 months into the relationship a wall
was erected by her. I did not understand why, things were great. It was like
night and day. I tried to do so much and fell into a depression because it felt
like I was beating a dead horse trying so hard to figure it out. She made up so
many excuses. I tried to give her and her children as much love and respect as
I could, with her in return putting down my children and never taking into account
my feelings when I tried to talk with her maturely.
5 months of this have passed and she still says she wants me as a boyfriend.
I try to talk about a future with her, but because of her past relationships
(of men cheating on her) she feels she can only do it on her own.
I don't know what to do, I do love her but I cannot seem to get anywhere.
Should I let go and move on? Why is it so hard, is it because I feel like I tried
so hard and lost?
You really sound like a caring and thoughtful guy. But... I
think the key to this situation is contained in the last
line of your letter "is it because I tried so hard and
lost?" Looking in from the outside, from the tale you told,
it appears like you tried TOO HARD. You know?
If you two were friends for six years and then after only
four months of being boyfriend and girlfriend, serious
problems have surfaced, then things do indeed look pretty
grim. Maybe you were meant to just remain friends. Or maybe
intimacy (I'm assuming) added a complication that she just
couldn't deal with. That happens, and is why sex should not
be undertaken lightly!
Anyway, although it sounds like you tried too hard, all hope
is not lost, yet. My advice to you is to back off, way off.
Let's see how she reacts then. You didn't say if you are
living together, which will make it much harder to put a
needed "space" between you two. If you are living together,
arrange a long trip for yourself, if possible.
P.S. Sounds like you also have serious problems with this
girl if you feel she is "always putting down my children and
never taking into account my feelings". You've got some deep
resentments brewing there, my friend. Stop right now and
reread your entire letter. You sound miserable over this
relationship! I honestly feel a little cool-down and "space" might
help YOU figure out if you are really better off without
her, too. Good luck! Stella.
***Read more free love advice or even submit your own problem to Stella!
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