My boyfriend and I moved in together about one month ago. We had been having a long distance relationship for awhile. I should tell you that this is our second go of it. He moved here to be with me since he does not like his home state. Everything was fine and it seemed we had worked on our previous problems and had moved past that. Now, I'm beginning to wonder if he changed at all. He doesn't like to do things with me that I enjoy. And he says he doesn't mind if I do them, but then he will complain when I do. I work full-time and I'm an aspiring writer. He encourages me to write and then makes comments about me taking a few hours to do that! He will mock me when he thinks I'm overreacting, even after I ask him to stop. He gives advice and suggestions all the time whether I ask or if its welcome. He says I'm too independent and gets upset when I don't take his advice. He wants to marry me but I'm not so sure I want to get married. I was previously married to a violent man for 10 years. My current bf is 8 years older than me and acts like I should act as old as he feels. I'm still young! I had a hysterectomy and would rather adopt. He wants to do surrogacy which I'm uncomfortable with. It seems like he wants me to conform to his idea of how life should be and how it should be done. I don't do the things I enjoy often and yet he still complains. I'm just not sure how to handle the situation.
Answer from Stella:
You will do well to go very slowly with this relationship. Maybe moving in together helped you realize the many ways you two do not see eye to eye. And particularly on very serious life issues like children!
Do NOT get married unless and until you come to a much more comfortable acceptance of him and his ideas (because he won't change). If this doesn't happen, break it off, cut your losses and move on with your life. And be grateful you didn't marry him.
Hope this helps!
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