We met 29 years ago...

by Anna Maria
(Wichita, KS USA)

I met a boy 29 years ago, we fell in love and we got pregnant. Before I could tell this boy about our baby my mother moved me away and failed to let him know where we were even what at my request I asked her to let him know. She didn't know I was pregnant at the time. When my mother learned of my pregnancy several months later she yelled at me and told me it better not be his and it better be another boys. I was fearful of my mother because of physical abuse she subjected me to over the years so I told everyone what my mother wanted to hear because I feared her. Flash forward 27 years... the boy all grown up and I find each other again and both married at the time. I find out he knows about our daughter and that he was looking for us all these years but didn't know where to find us, he still feels the same for me after all of these years and I feel the same for him. My marriage was ending but his was not. We're seeing each other and I can't make myself stop and move on and he is still married but makes every effort to see me or chat with me (we both live in different states). I am so emotionally and physically attracted to this man. He tells me he loves me and wishes for many things. He has started being a father to our daughter like he always wanted to be. We sneak lots of visits with each other even though it goes against every rule I have for myself I can't seem to stop. I don't feel guilty about it either. The issue is the miles separate us and I am lonely for him and even though I don't want to push for him to leave his wife I want it to be me he comes home to but I don't see that happening... Why can't I move on? I can't see myself with anyone else but I have no idea if he and I will ever get to be together and this life is very lonely for me.

Answer from Stella:

Dear Anna,
My heart goes out to you, for yours is the same old story played out over and over every day in every corner of the globe. This is the hard truth: If he really wanted you, he would have left his wife for you by now.

This will end badly for you and cause more pain than you deserve. I know already you will not take my advice, but here it is: tell him goodbye and get past it. You will never find true love and lasting happiness with a married man.

Hope this helps, dear...

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Comments for We met 29 years ago...

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We met 29 years ago
by: Anonymous

From what you wrote it sounds like you were both robbed of a possible life together 29 yrs. ago. A child was born from this relationship and a forever bond was also. You must have thought of him over and over throughout the years, especially having his child. She was robbed of her father as well as you from your lover. You have survived all of these years without him and so has your daughter. If he knew he had a daughter, why didn't he look for her and you? All he had to do was explain to his now wife that he had a daughter from a previous relationship and wanted to find her....any woman with a heart would have helped him on this journey..with all the services we now have anyone can find anyone...I suspect he will not leave his wife and keep seeing you until eventually you get caught or the guilt catches up...at that point I sadly think he will stay with his wife and you will be hurt all over again for another 29 yrs. You know the old saying....if you love something..set it free..if it's yours, it will come back...if it's not..it was never yours to begin with !!..I wish you the best..~Julie~

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