What do I do now?

by Antonia

Dear Stella,
Back in October I started dating this guy I met after I joined the Red Cross. We were official for two months, but something happened and I broke up with him. Long story short, I treated him really bad during the following months, getting his hopes up, then rejecting him, shoving my new partners in his face, lashing out at him when I was upset over something else etc. The worst thing is, I did this without actually knowing I was doing it and it was completely unintentional. One night, on a road trip with the members of the Red Cross we got together again and I thought we might get back together, but something happened that made me go into shock and yell at him. Afterwards, I apologized to him and he just said he felt that it would be best if there was some distance between us. That was two weeks ago and I was crushed. Another things that further depressed me was a conversation I had with my best friend. She said he told her he loved me, but wouldn't tell me or act on it because it wasn't what I wanted from him. Last Friday, I was celebrating my birthday and invited him, but he rejected the invitation. Despite that he showed up, drunk out of his mind (I have never ever seen him that drunk) and the first thing he did when we were alone was kiss me. Later when I asked him what now, he told me that he wanted to resume our relationship, but in secret until that big problem that we had had in Red Cross blew over and afterwards we could be official again. I didn't respond because I was afraid that if I accepted, he might just use me and then dump me when he got bored because his feelings for me had changed. He backtracked quickly and said that he was too drunk for that conversation and that we would talk the following day after he sobered up. That happened Friday and it's Monday now and there is still nothing. Not a phone call, not a message, nothing. I do want to risk it with him because I do love him. I have lived without him and I know that it won't kill me if he leaves me, but I still want to try. I guess my question is, should I call him first and set up the meeting? Or just leave it up to him?------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hi Antonia you should wait for him to call. Stella

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