Whom To Choose?

In 2006 I had been Divorced after 17 years form a man that had a temper problem. I had dated about a year before I met this other man online.
He was nice, a church man and stable. He was also 17 years older than I. We started dating and I fell for him hard. We were having a normal relationship intimacy and all. I offered to move in to see how we would get along before I ever married again.
So, he agreed to me moving in if we went to church, did counseling and slept in different rooms but we could play around without intercourse.
So, the third month I'm checking my email on his computer and check his email. He's emailing ex girlfriends and flirting and I find gay websites on his history. I confront him and he says the ex girlfriend's are just innocent. Then he says he's not gay and doesn't know how those websites got on his computer. I start paying attention to him more to see how he acts. I start seeing things that makes me think he's gay.
He is not verbally intimate with me. He sits down to pee. He likes Whitney Houston. He has not had a long relationship since his divorce in 1990. He is very reserved. He reads gay politics, he's worried about his weight like a woman, He does not French kiss, etc...
So we continue counseling for 5 years. He's never liked my kids or my dog and complains about most everything I do.
Yes, there has been times he's nice and does nice things.
He's very calm and never curses.
After 5 years I was tired of waiting for a proposal so I moved in with my daughter and started seeing another man closer to my age.
This man is 7 years older and keeps his house clean and kisses great! He likes my kids and my dog since he has 2 dogs. Anyway, the older guy proposed and I moved back in with him thinking things would change, but they didn't much.
My job is also here so its easier. So after a year I still see the other guy secretly and know I am emotionally attached to this older man but long for the life with the younger man. The younger man does want me to move in with him. Am I crazy? Please help.

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by: Stella

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