Will he want me back again?

by Elizabeth
(Sydney.NS.)

I met a man in 2001 and we dated up until Jan/08. After I had found him a good paying job in Alberta and he knew I would be moving into to a small apartment he decided to end it with us.

He accused me of cheating on him a year before he moved away.. I didn't, and he knows this. It just made it easier to get out of our relationship and play the victim. He didn't want to get a place that I could move into and he didn't want me to find a place for the two of us. He didn't want to be sending me home any money to help me towards rent, food, etc.. He wanted all the money he earned all to himself.

He is now planning to move back home and has been keeping "tabs" on where I live, if I am dating, where I am going, and so on. He knows when he comes back to Cape Breton he doesn't have a place to live yet. We all (friends & family) think he will be wanting me to take him back.

He regrets what he did, and has been trying to get in contact with me since he left. If this is true, should I take him back and give him a second chance, or tell him to go to hell? I still love him and am (in love) with him still, but I am also very hurt and angry.

My heart says "Yes" my arms crave for him, my body aches for him, but my head tells me "No".

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Do you really want HIM back again?
by: Stella

Listen to your head.

At least for a while. Get your life back together, alone. Get a handle on your legal and financial affairs, alone. Maintain your OWN household, alone.

Maybe later you may choose to date this guy again, time will help you decide if that is what you really need.

If you go running back to him and take him in, you are playing right back into his game. You will never be independent and make a wise decision about him, ALONE.

Good luck!
Stella

What if
by: Elizabeth

What if I decide to not take him back and lose him to another woman, this would hurt more than what he has done to me. I have no attention of "ever" letting him live with me again.

I enjoy being able to come and go as I please, being able to watch what I want on TV, no more going into my bedroom to watch TV while he takes over the living room. No more explaining to him where I been all day who I talked to, no more of him yelling at me, checking my mailbox, following me, and checking up on me to see where I am at.

I do think we need to "talk" like two adults, to let him know where I stand and that he will never (use) or control me again. I will also ask him if he could prove he would never,ever hurt me again.

Put him on probation for awhile and see where it goes from there. Sometimes I rather be miserable with him, than miserable without him and alone.

Just try to step back...
by: Stella

Dear Elizabeth,

Sounds like you've got a decent game plan figured out. And you seem to be resolved to not letting him abuse (yes, he was emotionally abusing you) anymore. Good for you!

I was just trying to give you another viewpoint...

Abusive people usually do not change. You are NOT going to change this man.

So the choice is yours... as you said yourself...
Miserable with him or miserable without him, and alone.

There is a third option, you know... start clean and find a kinder man.

If you could only detach yourself from this situation emotionally for a moment, and really think about what you have said.

Life is too precious to spend it in misery. Reach for happiness, whatever path it takes you on.

Good luck!

All men think with their little heads.
by: Elizabeth

I have tried to find another man after Charlie left for Alberta but not before he called me and accused me of cheating on him the first time he went out west in 2006. He waited until Jan of 2008 to bring that up. He said it had been bothering him for over a year. My question to my friends is "If I was cheating on him back in 2006, why did he wait until 2008 to mention it?

If the shoe was on his foot, there is no way I would wait for over a year to ask him about it.
Charlie "Will" not change and I know this, I also know he will continue to be selfish and put his needs before mine. My mom said "You can change a baby but you will NEVER change a man". She has been right so far. Here is my problem, every man I had met or wanted to meet was only looking for a quick jump in the sack. I was brought up to respect myself and not sleep with the first man who comes along. I like to know someone and be comfortable with them before the next step. I also don't want a drunk or a smoker.

Am I asking for too much"? I really am thinking that it might be best for Charlie to find someone else to deal with his controlling and being selfish, he doesn't deserve me and I deserve better!

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