Worried and not sure what to do.......

by Stephanie
(UK)

Dear Stella,

I met my current boyfriend when he was married, although nothing happened until they broke up and he moved out of their home in Australia. We then met up in the UK and we moved in together.

We have spoke about his marriage and ex on occasions but he has never spoken about a divorce. After about 6 months of us being together, friends began to ask me about whether I was happy about him being married.

I guess I didn't really think much about it until then because he deosn't have any contact with her and she lives in another country. But it got me thinking and I think in the back of my mind it had bothered me a bit.

So I asked him about it and he said that he didn't even think of himself as married anymore and that it would cost money and he didn't think that either of them were ready to go through all that yet.

We have been living together for a year now and I do feel that he should be getting the ball rolling with his divorce, and my feelings should be the priority now, not hers. I haven't spoke to him since the first time I brought it up and am not sure whether to ask again.... am I being too needy and paranoid or am I being silly not saying anything and living with him being married to someone else? I also worry that he must still have feelings for her if he doesn't want a divorce. I also found a passport picture of her in his wallet.... which makes me question it more...... what should I do?

Thank you!

Stephanie

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Answer From Stella:

Dear Stephanie,

It doesn't matter if he doesn't "feel" married or not... he is still a married man. My gut feeling is that there may still be something between your guy and his wife.

If I was you, I would press the issue and see what happens. Ask him what is still there between the two of them, and when he plans to initiate divorce proceedings.

Only then will you find out where his heart is. If he gets mad, defensive or evasive about it, you have your answer and can plan accordingly.

If he agrees and makes steps towards single status, then you have your answer and can plan accordingly.

If you are serious about this man, then you have a right to know his true intentions... before you waste years of your life on the relationship.

Good luck to you, Stephanie

Stella

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